What's wrong? Well...nothing really. But sometimes everything feels very very wrong. But nothing really is. But...but...but... Has anyone else ever felt like this? That sense of agitation that nags at the core of your being? Your logical mind argues that you're being ridiculous. After all you have a wonderful life. A loving husband. Fantastic kids. Comfortable home in a safe neighborhood. Flexible, great job. It's all good right? Of course it is. You know this, and recognize how truly blessed you are. So how come that underlying discontent still rears its ugly head when least expected? Why some days do you feel like a hamster on a wheel running in circles, but getting nowhere? Or worse yet is the fear that somehow you are living someone else's life, and not the one you were truly born to live? Or that at the very least you aren't fulfilling your life's mission to your best potential. These elusive little thought devils corrupt your ability to walk through your days in peace, and distract you from the gratitude you know would anchor your attitude - if only you could hang onto it more consistently.
If it sounds like I'm rambling ... I am. Because that's the way inner turmoil works. It rolls along in highs and lows. The roller coaster ride of swinging between knowing all is right with the world and feeling an urgent need to change...something HAS to change...but what?
One of my favorite words has always been Harmony. In fact, years ago when I owned a rental cabin in West Virginia I named it "Harmony Woods" because of the images that inspired in me, and what I hoped guests would feel when they visited there. A sense of tranquility and purpose. Of balance and beauty in the world around them.
In music harmony is taking the individual pieces and parts of a composition and blending them - into something greater and fuller when combined as a whole than they ever could have been on their own. Each aspect may be pretty in isolation, but when brought together an entirely new entity is created, and its richness increased by the sum of the parts. The thing is though you can't just throw a bunch of random instruments and keys and tunes together and expect there to be harmony. If they aren't compatible you can actually create chaos. Jarring the senses. Thought and care must be used to know what to play with what. To coordinate tempos and rhythms, and to know what goes together best. Composers take great care to "hear" both physically and intuitively the final masterpiece in their hearts and minds as they create each part during the process. They know that even one instrument playing out of tune, or off tempo or key, can ruin the effect. So it's important to pay attention to the details. While some of the composer's ability is God given, it is also a learned skill that improves with patience, practice and experience.
I believe life is like that. Each of us is writing our own life's music. Longing to create something beautiful with the time and talents we are born with, or acquire along the way. You can have a lot of good elements, but still not feel harmony. It takes deliberate planning and management to be sure in the hustle and bustle of daily living the right parts are playing together, or our song won't feel or sound quite right. Sometimes it's easy to figure out what instrument is "off," but usually it will take soul searching and concentration to turn an average tune into an extraordinary symphony that truly manifests all that we are inside, and expresses our heart's desires to the fullest.
So I am embarking on a quest for greater Harmony. To figure out for myself how to more effectively balance all the spinning tops that equal my life, and find joy along the way. Connectedness. Serenity. Success in the things that matter most. To feel at the end of my days that none were wasted, and that my existence had purpose and meaning. Basically to be happy....deliberately. On purpose. Making harmony in my home, family, job and spirit a more conscious priority than it has been thus far. If anyone wishes to join me in this Harmony Quest I welcome the company.